Written by Rosemary Davis, of Lawrenceville, VA.
I always wanted four kids. Two boys, two girls would be perfect. God was gracious to give me that desire, just in reverse order. All in the span of 5 years! And life was good. Busy, but good.
Then God surprised me with another blessing. One I wasn’t happy about at first. We still owed on the last delivery, and here I was expecting again. I was not happy, and fussed when I made my doctor’s visit. Having been my doctor for a few years now, Dr. H reassured me that it would be ok. First, the old bills would be wiped clean, and they would accept what the insurance company would pay for this delivery. This gave me much peace for the pregnancy, and I (of course!) began to love and look forward to this new little bundle that was coming.
My son was born, a beautiful little red head, and life was good. And my heart was scared. What if God kept sending these little bundles every 22 months? And I made a decision. I would take away that option. And God knew my heart and my worries. He sent several women I respected to tell me not to do what I was thinking of doing, that I would regret it. But I was too scared. Even the day of surgery, the doctor joked with me about only doing one side. I didn’t laugh. I knew I was being disobedient to what the Lord had told me.
You see, I did not want to acknowledge the truth that God is in control of the womb. If I were to become pregnant, it would only be by God’s blessing with conception. The words “trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding, but in all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my path” were words I obviously rejected at this moment.
Husband note: I went along with the idea to have the tubes cut because I also was afraid. Not due to the possibility of more children, but because I had been there for every delivery and seen the struggles my wife had with many of them. I did not want her to suffer nor be discouraged. I could have had the procedure to myself of “tube” cutting, but was also fearful of that and did not know if that could ever be reversed. I also did not trust in the Lord’s providence over all things.
A few months later, the words spoken to me about regret came true. And I could not be comforted. Even with the busyness of life, there was still an emptiness that I knew I caused by my not trusting God. My husband and I began to research where we could go to undo the damage I had done to my body. I went to my doctors office to get copies of my records, and Dr. H walked through the waiting room (how unusual is that?). He asked me what I was doing, and when I told him, he asked me why I was going out of state to have the reversal. I replied that his office didn’t do it, and he corrected me gently, telling me that tubal repair was his specialty!
A short time later, my heart sang as I put myself on that hospital bed. No matter what, I was putting myself back into God’s hands for the decisions of my family’s size.
When I didn’t become pregnant after almost a year, even the doctor began to wonder what was up. Given my track record, a few months should have been a ‘long’ wait. But God knew. There would be a family tragedy, and then a month later, I ‘passed’ the test.
The pregnancy progressed well, and I saw the other doctors in the group, but Dr. H was just as interested in this baby as we were. He told me to have him paged when we came in. In another show of His glory, Dr. H was not on call the night we went it, but at our insistence, the nurse paged him anyway. Her wonder at his reply and sudden presence was a confirmation that indeed God was interested in little things.
Katherine Grace (“pure grace”) was born that June morning. She was and is a blessing to our family. She is a blessing to all she meets, and she radiates Jesus. He is using her through her willingness to serve Him buy teaching preschoolers the music she loves and at which she has much talent. Katie also leads our worship at church, and is faithful to share about Jesus whenever she has the opportunity.
Since then, I have lost two little ones. I am waiting to meet them in Heaven. I have loved other babies for their mamas when they haven’t been able to be home with them during the day. And now, in a new season of life, God has started a new form of blessing: GRANDCHILDREN . ” Grands” are indeed a heritage. We have three so far, one on the way, and twin grandsons in Heaven. God is Good. He is in control. It took a while to learn this lesson- to let Him be in control, unreservedly. It is a good place.